Frequently Asked Questions about counselling:
If a person has hit rock bottom, like they feel they can’t go on. How can you help?
If a person feels at immediate risk of harming themselves, harming others, or feel they could be harmed by someone else, the best number to call is 111. Please note: Bays Counselling is not a crisis service. Because I may not be available it’s best to call Emergency Services straight away so to be sure of getting immediate help. If it’s critically urgent, a person can make an appointment with their doctor or go to an after-hours clinic where they can get medical support and advice (see also below).
If I am unavailable, the following are also places a person can contact if feeling stressed and don’t know what to do or who to turn to:
Free call or txt 1737 any time to receive support from a trained counsellor
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or free txt 4357 (HELP)
Youthline – 0800 376 633 or free txt 234
Samaritans – 0800 726 666
If a person has been a victim of sexual assault they can contact:
The HELP foundation 09 623 1700 or Rape Crisis 0800 88 33 00
If you have been a victim of domestic violence you can contact:
Shine 0508 744 633 or Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843
If a person is worried about their safety and privacy, and what they share, how do you look after that information?
It is very important to me, ethically and professionally, that what a person might share is kept absolutely confidential. Client confidentiality is a core part of any counsellor’s ethics. All material I use in the work I do is stored securely digitally with appropriate safety measures to guard privacy. On request these files and recordings are free to access by those I work with. However, as I would explain in person, managing risk is also a fundamental part of my role as counsellor.
As part of the counselling process the client and I make an agreement that if something is shared about themselves or others that signals serious harm could occur, or if children are similarly at risk, then I would need to speak to my supervisor for advice or clarification. My supervisor (a very experienced counsellor) is bound by the same code of ethics as myself and what we share is confidential between us.
This helps me to be very clear about my role – and the persons, mine and others’ safety. As a rule (with a persons permission) I record all sessions. I will often go back over sessions to review a part of what has been talked about if I feel unsure or think there may be something I’ve missed.
These recordings are made for a number of reasons. Firstly it ensures I can be sure as possible that I am hearing a person clearly and that I am not missing some vital part of what we talk about that may be very important in our work together. Secondly, safety for both parties in the counselling relationship is very important, so if there are mis-understandings we can review where we have been and discuss those openly and then hopefully resolve any confusion or doubt that arises. Lastly, I record sessions for my own professional development. In this regard I am regularly supervised by my Supervisor where we discuss our work and that person can give me help and advice on specific issues I’m encountering and how I might better serve the people I work with.
How long does therapy typically take, and how often are the sessions?
A lot of the time this depends on what things trouble a person. I work to establish one thing that seems to be of most concern and go from there. However, this doesn’t always work out as people often come to see me about one thing but really it’s something quite different that ends up being of most importance to them.
In the first session I spend a little longer getting to know and discover what it is a person needs. Mostly, by the end of the fourth session people are beginning to be clearer about their situation and how they want to go further. Getting to a place where identifiable change can be felt or seen by a client can often take a little longer.
In the end, life is a journey, and these sessions are the first steps in working towards a place where people would really much rather be.
During sessions do you allow other people in support if a person feels they need it?
Bringing someone else can be helpful, I’m fine with that. However, if people want to do that it’s important to know why it might be helpful, knowing that information will be shared, so we talk about that before it happens. It also would be helpful if both the persons counselled and those invited by them had an agreement where if they wanted to further talk to me alone, whomever is invited would understand that and not be offended.
What happens in the first session?
I always make this session longer (90 minutes) so we get a chance to get to know each other. I will talk about what the person expects and see if they think that us working together will be of further benefit. I also get to hear something of what’s troubling people, or what their needs are. We will also talk about risk and confidentiality, and how that looks and sounds for us if we agree to work together.
What if the person doesn’t get on or doesn’t feel right about your way of doing things?
It’s important for people to know that not every counsellor will suit every client and vice-versa. We just need to be open and honest about that. People have every right to decline further sessions for whatever reason. If that’s the case I will always be willing to help them find another counsellor that might better suit their needs.
It’s the person’s needs that are my priority, especially in that first session before the work really begins.
What do you do when a client isn’t comfortable sharing certain things?
People share what they want to share. It’s not my job to make them feel worse by repeating things that might be unhelpful for them to talk about repeatedly. I will often be checking in with them about whether they want to talk about a thing (or not) and we can go from there.
Often as our understanding of each other grows people may feel less vulnerable. They may gain confidence in our relationship and be prepared to share things of a deeper, more personal nature.
Are the sessions weekly?
I believe it’s better if people come to sessions weekly in the beginning until we can work out what they specifically need.
At first people are often feeling very anxious, upset and worried so it’s best to sit regularly with the problem and look at what’s going on so the focus isn’t lost. As a guide, after four or so sessions people might need a bit more time to sit with and process what you’ve arrived at in the earlier sessions. Depending on the client further sessions may spread themselves out to being fortnightly or slightly longer, but it is very dependent on the nature of the problem.
How do you work to help people?
I mainly work with clients using Narrative Therapy as a counselling approach. It is a process of us working together, acknowledging they are an expert in their own life. We explore, reflect on, and work to rewrite their own very personal story that focuses on hope and preferred ways of being.
A person’s ideas about who they are shaped by the stories they tell themselves about their lives. These “stories” are based on their experiences and how these have led them to act, think and feel, and about their relationships with others. As part of this we also explore how else life might look that might help a person move towards living in ways that are more helpful to them in dealing with their difficulty (-ies).
Narrative Therapy focuses on supporting individuals to take control of their own stories and create more meaningful, purposeful, and satisfying ones, free from the limitations of the past experiences or external pressures.
I also use elements of other counselling methods (Motivational Interviewing, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Person-Centered Therapy) to help support a person in building a clearer, richer development about what they’re thinking and feeling in these stories they tell me about.
For me, it’s not about giving advice or telling people what they should do, but supporting them to work towards a sense of self-regard, self-agency and well-being that works for them. Working towards a place where that person believes and can live in peace within themselves, and in their relationships with others.
How will a person know that they don’t need to come to see you anymore?
One thing people begin to notice is that the difficulty they have been working on will occupy less of their daily thoughts and feelings. These will become less intense, they will feel more manageable and their attention won’t be consumed as it has been. Another is that people begin to feel a greater confidence in their ability to be resilient and find ways of managing these difficult events, thoughts and feelings. People often get to a point of “knowing” they are ready.
With online counselling what are some of the things a person needs to know and be prepared for?
I use Zoom as an online platform for consultations. A person doesn’t need to worry about how to do that because I will coach them through it so when it’s time for us to meet and talk they will have a quality experience. People can use their phone or a computer when using Zoom. To do this they’ll have to download the app – either from the Apple Store (if they have an iPhone) or from Google Play or Amazon if they have other brands of phone. Zoom is a very safe platform. If a person prefers to use another platform like WhatsApp we can discuss that.
Conversations with me are totally confidential. I will be in a closed room where I cannot be heard by others. At first, talking online to me about personally important things might seem awkward, they may feel uncomfortable. This is of course quite normal, especially if it’s all new to them.
People can prepare themselves for our sessions by making sure they do the following things: find a place to be where they feel comfortable and know they’re not going to be disturbed. A person might want to tell others in their home they’ll be in a meeting, or perhaps find a private place outside of the home, even a car can be good for this.
Being outside of home can work well if people are prepared. Being sure they have coverage and enough data for a call is also important (video calls use more data). Making sure their phone has enough battery or that they are able to connect to a power source is important too. Using headphones or earbuds is helpful in keeping a call more confidential.
When people prepare to go online they should make sure there are no noises in the background or other distractions that will cause us to lose focus in our sessions.
I will check in with a person regularly about how they feel it is going. We can talk through what they’re feeling and thinking. If they still don’t feel right about it we can discuss alternatives. There is a lot of research that indicates online counselling can be effective if managed in ways that suit the client, especially if conversations are had about what is working or not working for them.
People can call and I will do what I can to help.